Struggle

The vision of the piece is its strongest asset. It's obvious from the title, to the last line, that you knew your topic and knew exactly where you wanted to go. You addressed a massive quantity of human emotions, which was obviously your goal.

Once we get into the further areas of critique, the poem shows where it can be improved. The theme of struggling is a popular one in poetry, whether it be emotional or physical. There are an endless numbers of situations that can make someone struggle and there are even more feelings that come from the act of doing so. Because of this popularity, it is critical that writers delve into the specifics in order to make their poem stand out. I did not see that here.

The things you are feeling are natural, but as a reader, the feeling must be connected to a reason. This piece left me with more questions than answers because you chosen I express vague ideas rather than concrete details. In order, these were the ones that came to me through my first read: why are you feeling anguish? Why are you feeling delight? Why are you so scared of tumbling and falling? What exact norms are being pushed on you? Why do you want to be undetected? Who is interrupting your thoughts? Why are you on he edge of safety? What danger are you in? What kind of "bone" do you wish someone would throw you? If you want to be undetected, what kind of connections do you want? Who is doing the rejection? Why is this important to you? Who is the "you" that you wish would listen? Why would ou be covered in gore?

Answering some of these questions will allow you to connect to the reader and give them something tangible to hold onto. I don't want to just know what feelings are there. I need to know what specific events led to them.

As far as technique is concerned, this poem is all over. The 4-2-4-2 stanza pattern isn't a problem, but there are lacking points in your transitions from moving from one thought to the next. The wandering mind segment is especially jarring, which made me rewind and reread, trying to find a connection. When this happens so soon in a poem, it creates reading issues throughout.

It is also obvious to me that you had a rhyme scheme in mind and you wanted to stick to it, no matter the effect. While this can work, this piece makes me assume you catered to the scheme too much and lost things you could've said because of it. I'd suggest abandoning it, because it does nothing for you and it detrimental to the overall writing.

I hope that you find this helpful. These topics are always the hardest to cover. Take some time to reflect on the "whys" within the piece. I believe it will do the poem a world of good.